I’ve written a few essays on my body confidence journey in the last couple years, because it’s something I am constantly working at. For me, self confidence isn’t something I was born with and truthfully, even if I was, society beat it out of me as a pre-teen.
If you’re wanting to get out of the toxic cycle of hating then covering up your body, I thought it may be helpful to show you where I started on my journey back in 2022 and where I am today in 2025.
My Self Confidence Play Book
In 2020 I saw a post by a woman I followed who had lost a large amount of weight and was trying to learn to love her new body, Shandra Redwine (@losermentality). The post in question was her sharing that life is too short to hide your legs in summer and to wear the damn shorts.
Still to this day, I don’t know why that post in particular resonated with me, maybe it was because we were in the middle of a pandemic when the illustration of how short life is was around me every day, but it stuck with me and stayed as a thought in the back of my head as I would mentally tell myself I can’t wear this because of xyz.
Fast forward to 2022 when I decided it was time to make real progress and I started my Tara Jane Style instagram account as something creative for me to do during my evenings and also as a way to help empower myself and the other plus sized people in my life who would ask me questions like where I got xyz or say things like “I could never wear that” and I decided to be authentic about the things I didn’t like about myself either.
2022 Body Positivity Journey: Arms
In 2022 I decided to pick one area of my body that I was self conscious about and force myself to wear clothing that didn’t hide that area until it became a non-issue. What better way to tackle my overall self confidence than by baby steps, plus I’ve always been a believer in the saying, “fake it until you make it.”
The area I chose first was my arms and I spent the summer proactively wearing tank tops and spaghetti strap dresses. It took all summer, but eventually it worked and I started wearing sleeveless items without the moment of hesitation and self doubt – “I don’t know if I can wear this.”
Success.
2023 Body Positivity Journey: Thighs
In the summer of 2023 I focused on wearing mini skirts, shorts and even just swimsuits without a cover-up that showcased my upper thighs. I’ve never had self confidence issues with my calfs and lower legs, but my dimply, wiggly, always touching thighs were a confidence pain point for me.
Again, after 4ish months of the constant “you can do this” pep talk, by the end of the summer it wasn’t something I thought about anymore.
Pro Tip: if you have thighs that touch, I highly recommend using deodorant in between your thighs for friction. This saved me on many occasions lol.
2024 Body Positive Journey: Midriff
2024 was part one of focusing on the area that I am most insecure about – my stomach. I decided to break this one up because, truthfully, I wasn’t able to mentally do it all at once. Step one was to simply wear tops that showed a sliver of my midriff. Specifically, I wore crop tops with high waisted skirts or pants so that there was a small piece of skin, but not a lot. For someone who’s always been taught to cover up and that a non-firm stomach was taboo, this was sort of my stomach training wheels if you will.
Now we get to this year…
2025 Body Positivity Journey: Apron Belly and Visible Stomach Outline
My weight has fluctuated by 30 pounds the last 4 years so sometimes my belly overhang isn’t as noticeable and sometimes, like now, it definitely is. I’ve always carried the majority of my weight in my stomach/gut/hips so throughout my life there have been a handful of times when I’ve been asked by random people in public if I’m expecting/pregnant… these moments have always taken me very off guard and obviously make me feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed.
One time specifically I was out at a bar drinking and dancing with my friends when some girl egged on by two of her friends approached me to ask. This one is seared in my memory, because of the extra confusion I have of why they would think I was pregnant and out drinking. My only conclusion is that she was just simply a mean girl who wanted to “put me in my place,” because how dare I be having fun in a bigger body. While, at the time, I tried to brush it off and didn’t share what happened with my friends due to sheer embarrassment, it would be a lie to say it didn’t take a toll on my body confidence and ruin my evening. I never wore that specific dress out again and now as an almost 40 year old adult who’s watching the rise of skinnytok and the mean skinny girl bullies all over again it’s time for me to let go and put that feeling to rest.
So this year, my main self confidence focus is on wearing outfits that show my belly outline, my rounded belly from the side, and my hip dips.
My personal mantra this year: my belly is not ruining my outfit. I’m a babe.
Self confidence is not a linear journey and it is ok if you have set backs or mental blocks up about certain areas of your body. What is not ok is letting those things rule your life and waste the short time you have to live.
Tara Jane Style 
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